Yesterday as I was writing in my journal I had to think all the way back to our trips to Denmark and to Norway, and everything in between. I wrote about this traumatic incident that happened while we were in Norway:
We spent a day at Briksdal Glacier. We had hoped to take one of the tours across the ice with a guide, but we got there too late and had just missed the last group going up. We hiked for about an hour and a half to get to the edge of the glacier. It was an uphill climb through the woods on a path used by many other people, all of us there to see the mighty mountain of ice. We had a very scary thing happen to us on that climb. We lost ~N~. He had been walking ahead of us for awhile but we caught up to him when we came to a clearing that had picnic tables. I saw him sitting on a rock, just in front of the path at the edge of the clearing area. Danny and ~D~ and I had stopped to read a plaque that showed the glacier snout used to be at that area, and when we finished we noticed ~N~ was gone, and assumed he’d started up the path. We headed up to a rocky area, thinking he’d be waiting for us there, but he was nowhere to be seen. We hollered for him, but got no answer. I went back down to check the bathroom in the clearing where we’d last seen him and Danny went further up the path to see if he’d gone ahead. I returned to the rocks and saw Danny and ~D~, but not ~N~. This is when I felt the panic rise in my chest. Danny was surprised I hadn’t returned with ~N~, and I was surprised he hadn’t found him further up the path. It all spelled trouble. I went back down the path again, looking closer for him, hoping I had missed him and Danny went further up the path. ~D~ and I were holding hands as we got to the rocky area and we began shouting ~N~’s name as we looked everywhere. At one point, ~D~ began to be really worried and said so. “Mom, this is getting scary.” He too was shouting for his brother. I told ~D~ to pray for ~N~, that he was safe, and that we would find him. I began imagining life without ~N~, a funeral, how angry I was at myself for losing sight of him, for not teaching him to stay close to us. I imagined ~D~ without his brother. It was the most terrible, miserable time of my whole life. A friendly couple noticed our predicament and I remember telling them what our son looked like and what he was wearing. And I remember feeling how weird it was, to be describing my child to a stranger in hopes of them finding him. I was really scared at this point, figuring that ~N~ had either fallen from some high place or he had been taken by someone and they were already down the mountain and gone. I agonized over the fact that neither Danny or I had brought our cell phones with us up the mountain. I only wanted my boy back. But another thought was deep within my mind, and that thought was the knowledge that ~N~ likes to be first, that more than likely I was worrying over nothing, and that he had only gotten way ahead of us. That’s his personality, to get ahead of everyone else and be sitting there, waiting, wondering why it took so long for the rest of us to get there. Finally I heard Danny shout from up the path that he had found him. I was so relieved that I ran ahead to where they were and when I set my eyes on my child, I broke down into tears. Danny was furious with him, and gave him a proper tongue lashing about how he should not have gone that far ahead of us and that from now on he’ll be staying behind us. I could not have spoken those words, though I felt them. The grief and worry of having a lost child weighed so heavily upon me that I felt nothing but enormous relief, and a love so great for this son, that I wanted to consume him with it. I wanted to hold him close and never let him go again. This overshadowed our joy of seeing a glacier for awhile. We had to hike much further to get to the snout and by that time, we were ready to enjoy it.
Lessons were learned that day. By all of us. Since that day, we've been on walks and bicycle rides together and ~N~ stays close by. He frequently stops, even though we're in sight and waits for us to get closer. Even though we had taught him to not get out of our sight, he did when we were at the glacier. As parents, we didn't do our job that day. We were preoccupied tourists, not paying enough attention to the whereabouts of our children. Frequently, our parenting skills are honed by such harrowing experiences as these. I think every parent has "lost a child" at Walmart and there is nothing quite like the panic of not knowing where they have wandered off to. We know what we need to do and incidents like these remind us of our important duties as parents.
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There are 5 children in my house right now. Two belong to a new family that just arrived on Monday. I'm watching them while their parents do some unpacking today. The other child is here because his mother had to go to a meeting regarding school, which starts on Monday. They are all getting along well though. I need to go fix them some lunch, so ta-ta for now!
Rejoicing, that once what was lost
has now been found!
Marla
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