This morning I sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, alone and thinking. The children were playing and my husband is gone for the day. I noticed my phone on the counter and it reminded me of my mother. She used to call me on Saturday mornings. Sometimes we'd talk several times a day on a Saturday. But now my phone sits there quietly. Its a thought I have had many times since she left us.... "my phone is strangely silent." That thought led to this:

My phone is strangely silent,
The voice I loved,
I no longer hear.

My day is now so different,
She is resting above,
But still so dear.

Now with broken heart and bent,
Thoughts turn to Mother's love,
Her essence long to linger.

In blessed memories much time I've spent,
Moments with her are never enough,
But each is a precious, golden treasure.

I am thankful for the memories that live in my heart. Though I long for her earthly presence, I will try to be content with the fact that she is definitely a living part of me now.

Longing, Missing, Loving,
yet Rejoicing....
Marla

Before I started reading about the Bradley method of childbirth, I really enjoyed watching the Birth Day t.v. shows. But now it seems like every show ends with a C-section and I find it very frustrating! Are they purposely showing pregnancies that have complications? Why won't they show us mothers who have a natural birth without an epidural? I know the vast majority of women today get epidurals, so the natural moms are probably harder to find. A rare breed of woman, indeed....

I'm checking around for doulas now. The only one I've found so far charges $600. Does that seem a little high to you? If doulas are making that kind of money, I think I want to be one.

I went to the dentist yesterday. The hygeniest was also pregnant and we discussed our wishes for our childbirth experiences. When the male dentist appeared, he was all for medication. He wouldn't let a patient have a root canal without medication - why would a laboring mom have a baby without medication? Yeah, thanks for the encouragement Doc. Just count my teeth and let me outta here.

I did meet a receptionist at the dentist's office who had both her babies naturally using the Bradley method. She highly recommended it and said she'd do it that way again. So I felt a little better by the time I left!

We started school last week. I was so glad to get into a routine of some sort again! The lazy days of summer were getting a little boring for me. My boys are at the age that they don't need me very much, leaving me lots of "free time." The problem is that I haven't been motivated to really do anything. The things I usually like to do have not been appealing and I am not sure why. Sometimes I feel that I'm still in a slump because of my mother's death. Its hard to find enjoyment or fulfillment in the things I used to do. I'm glad we have a baby on the way because I know that will provide me with lots of entertainment and WORK. I've found that there is also a period of adjustment after moving where I'm very non-focused and frustrated with life in general. So the death of my mom, moving, and being pregnant must not be a really great combination.

That's all for now. It's time to EAT again - yay!!!!

Rejoice in the Lord,
Again I say,
REJOICE!
Marla

Consumed with thoughts about BIRTH

Over the past few days, I've been reading and thinking, thinking and reading, about the Bradley method of childbirth. I want a totally natural childbirth.

I don't know yet if the OBGYN group I've been seeing will honor me in this decision. Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment, so I'll be drilling the doc. with a barrage of questions. Unfortunately, I waited a little long to start thinking about something so important. Frankly, after my mother passed away, I didn't spend much time thinking about anything but HER and just dealing with the process of all- consuming grief. But now that the intenseness of that time is easing, I find myself focused on the baby.

I just finished reading "Husband Coached Childbirth" and also "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way." I wish Dr. Bradley didn't refer to me as a "human animal," but I can appreciate his way of thinking and his observations of the animal's birth experience.

So far, I have been unsuccessful in my attempt to locate a Bradley childbirth class that my husband and I can attend. The one I really would like to be able to go to is on a Tuesday night, but my husband had just recently signed up for a college Statistics class which meets on, you guessed it, Tuesday nights!!! One place I called suggested I call back next month for a class schedule, and I've left a message with another Bradley teacher. I wonder if there are any couples out there who have had real success with only reading the books and not taking the actual classes.

If I continue to see the doctor I've been going to, I wonder if they (there are 5 of them) will allow me to have a natural birth, the way I want to do it. I know I'll need my husband to be very clear with them about our wishes while I'm in labor. If anyone has a story to share in regards to any of this, I'd really love to hear about it!

In the meantime, I'm going to start writing out our birth plan, and begin praying that we have a doctor who will help us to have a natural birth!!

Marla

MMmmmm... DONUTS!!!!

I made sugared donut holes this afternoon! They were easy and delicious!

Sugared Doughnut Holes

1 1/2 c. flour
1/3 c. sugar
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1 egg
1/2 c. milk
2 tbsp. melted butter
oil for deep-fat frying
powdered sugar

In a bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, salt and nutmeg. In a small bowl, combine egg, milk and butter. Add to dry ingredients; mix well.

In an electric skillet or deep fat fryer, heat oil to 375 degrees. Drop dough by teaspoonfuls, five or six at a time, into oil. Fry till browned, about 1-2 minutes, turning once. Drain on paper towels. Roll in powdered sugar. Makes about 3 dozen.

--From 2003 Taste of Home cookbook

Rejoicing over the sweet things in life,
Marla