I've noticed a change in myself since I started homeschooling. I realized that kids need to be kids. Kids aren't perfect. It seems that as they get older, I demand more perfection from them, instead of letting them be 11 or 9. I've been thinking about what it was like to have a two year old in the house. They are noisy, messy and childish. My kids aren't all that far from being two, yet I get upset if they are loud, if they make a mess, or if they act like kids. I've noticed that my husband is also having this problem.
I think this is a pattern that has developed over the past couple years and it has just now become a glaring problem because I'm around them so much now. I see them every day. I see how destructive my anger is if I don't control it. I see how it hurts them, and that greatly hurts me. My thoughtless words and mannerisms reveal how selfish I am, how much I want things to be My Way.
This week, I am stepping back and seeing my children for what they really are: CHILDREN. They make mistakes, they make messes, they make noise, they are rambunctious, they don't know everything. They are a joy, and a challenge. They are the reason I am a mother. They are a gift from God, to me.
I suppose its natural for our children to reveal our weaknesses. I don't like it, but I believe it can be quite character building if I'll allow myself to learn from these experiences. Every day, I grow up a little more!
I want my boys to mature and be responsible for their actions. I want them to learn to clean up their messes, to be quiet when its absolutely necessary. But a balance is needed; you are only given one childhood. During that precious time, it is important that Mom has not yelled at you every time you've made a mess or every time you get a little too loud. Patience, I'm learning, is a mother's best friend. How can I teach them what I want them to learn if I fly off the handle about silly little things? How much better it would be to be as patient as Jesus was with His disciples. I don't think he hollered at them. He made his point and left them to think about what he said.
Homeschooling has merely brought this aspect of my life to my attention. I now see it clearly for what it is. Sin. And now I can deal with it and ask the Lord to help me. I know I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. I know that's the ONLY way it can be done.
"Man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger."
Rejoicing in Him who loves me,
in spite of all my shortcomings,
in spite of all my sin,
Marla
No comments:
Post a Comment