Not Gone.....Just Gone on Ahead

The morning of April 29th should have been like any other. But for me, it is the day that has forever changed my life. On that morning, at 7:50, my mother drew her last breath, and then peacefully went to be with her Lord. She leaves behind so many that loved her... her husband of 36 years, a son, myself, her 5 grandchildren, a sister, a brother, and both of her parents. She was the youngest in her family, and it has been a very difficult time for her dad, who said she was "his pet." We all gathered at her bedside in the hospital to say goodbye. It was a tearful parting, though we knew she was going to her Heavenly home, to rest eternally with her Father, to that blessed place where there is no pain or suffering. But oh, how we miss her joyful smile, her laugh, her companionship, her thoughtful ways, her homemade gifts, her loving touch.

I thought I would have 2 weeks at home with her, to care for her, to talk with her, to do things for her, and with her. On April 27, my dad took her to the emergency room because she had called him at work and asked him to come home. When he got there, they both agreed that they needed to go to the hospital. Doctors ran tests and said she was nearly dehydrated, that her bilirubin levels were high, and so they admitted her. Her body had taken on almost 2 litres of fluid in her abdomen area the past couple of weeks, due to her liver and kidneys not working properly. The doctor never told us how serious this was. We assumed it was just a little fluid, they would drain it off, and she would be fine. Daddy went home that night to get some rest, never dreaming the change that would take place overnight. When he returned to her the next morning, her condition had rapidly deteriorated. She was disoriented, on painkillers, and I remember he told me in a very shaky voice, “She looks so sick, Marla.” He was crying. I should have dropped everything at that point and headed home, but I had promised my boys a field trip to a local farm. We went to the farm and the boys enjoyed it, but my heart and mind was with my mother as I kept in constant contact with my dad and brother, as they both were with mother at the hospital.

The boys and I ate our picnic lunch and then I decided we needed to get home, pack up and go. My brother was sounding pretty concerned and I wanted nothing more than to be there with my family. I called my husband and told him I thought we needed to leave as soon as possible. We had previously decided to leave on Friday morning, but now it was Thursday afternoon. I threw clothes in suitcases, even funeral clothes, and asked Danny to get his Dress Blues. We were no more than an hour away from Washington D.C. when my brother called and told me what I did not want to hear. He said she wouldn’t be going back home. Her doctor had told my dad that she was terminal. They thought I had enough time to get there, but Danny decided I needed to get on a plane and get there as fast as possible. I ended up flying out of Baltimore and arriving in Kansas City at 12:00 am. I was in her hospital room by 1:00, and then I only had a precious few hours with her. She was not able to wake up or respond to me. My dad cradled her in his arms and told her I was there. She did not open her eyes, but she did moan loudly in response to what he said. I felt that she heard him and was doing her best to let him know. There was nothing to do but hold her hand, caress her face, and remind her how much she was loved. It was the most painful night of my life. A physical anguish I can hardly describe.

My husband and children did not arrive until 9:00 Friday night. He helped Daddy, my brother and I write the obituary. Then we were caught up in all the paperwork and planning of visitation, the funeral, the burial site, what she would wear, etc. One night the three of us looked at pictures for hours, crying together, laughing together, being together.

The grief is a silent stalker, stealing my joy, my strength. But then there are times of peace and comfort, when I know the Lord is sustaining me and seeing me through each moment of the day. The outpouring of love from the community my family is a part of in Missouri has been unreal. So many have sent cards and flowers and meals. They have called on the phone, they are praying, they are loving us. We feel uplifted and it has helped to lighten our burden of sorrow.

My mother was 54. I am 34. Her battle with breast cancer is over. I learned so many lessons from her, as I watched what she went through. She was always courageous, always positive. She wanted with all her heart to beat the disease. I always thought she would. But the Lord was ready for her to come to Him. Through Christ, she has the victory that she desired. She’s not gone…. Just gone on ahead.

“{She} has fought the good fight, {she} has finished the course, {she} has kept the faith; in the future there is laid up for {her} the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to {her} on that day; and not only to {her}, but also to all who have loved His appearing.”
2 Tim. 4:7-8

Rejoicing in the Hope we have in Him,
Marla

(This photo was taken just a few months ago, when we were home for Christmas)