Sustained by God

I want to thank each one of you for commenting on my last entry. Your expressions of love and compassion have been a great comfort to me. I am amazed that people I don't even know would express their sympathy. Thank you so much!

I really don't know if I can write anything now. Most days pass by, as normal as they can be. But at night I am overwhelmed with precious memories and a longing to hear my mother's voice. I can't believe she is gone.

I have been keeping a special journal since she died. In it, I have been writing letters to her, writing down memories, collecting quotes about motherhood, and pasting the emails I have received from friends who have encouraged me and comforted me with the things they said. Its a creative outlet, and also a way for me to grieve and remember her.

God has been so good to me these past few weeks. His love sustains me and comforts me. I have been reading from Psalms every morning. When everything seems to be falling apart, I run to Him. What a comfort to know that my mother is there with Him. Our pastor has been preaching about Heaven the past 7 weeks. That has been a tremendous study, helping me to visualize the beauty and perfectness of Heaven. He commented on how hard it was for John to describe Heaven to us. Have you ever tried to describe something that is PERFECT? What other way is there to say it, other than its PERFECT! John's job was like a nuclear scientist describing fission to 1st graders. Even though I think I can imagine the beauty and wonder of Heaven, I can't really. Its better than my wildest dreams.

Today, my dad sent me a thank you card that my mother had made. She had been learning to make her own cards and had a stash of them in a drawer. He wrote me a note that said he'd been looking for a special picture to send along. The picture is of my mother sitting outside at a patio table. Three empty chairs are around the table. Daddy wrote: " Three empty chairs - now waiting for her family to join her."

Even though I long to be with her, I know I still have work to do here. Somehow, those of us who grieve for a loved one have to continue with life. We must be productive. Like Psalm 1:

"He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,
Which yields its fruit in its season
And its leaf does not wither;
And in whatever he does, he prospers."

Rejoicing, for the Lord sustains me,
Marla